Tuesday, May 24, 2011
On the consequences of empty time
My first impulse after being woken up in the morning is going back to sleep. I let my son out of his room (he no longer will open the door himself), turn off his white noise machine, make him a bottle. Then grab my pillow and fall over on the couch hoping he doesn't need me for anything for a while.
It's my second and third and fourth impulse too.
But it always seems to be the wrong choice. Staying up and I am exhausted, but with the kind of shut eye I get on the couch, ever interrupted to be part of some game or to put on some Pixar or to get his breakfast of the wife's coffee ready. I am better served by making that coffee, sucking it up and reading the news, engaging the mind so that collapsing isn't the only viable option. I waste so much time during the day trying to do nothing while Finn runs around with semi-caged pure wild animal craziness. It doesn't help that the weather is hardly conducive to outdoor play and our "yard" isn't fenced from the road (so enticing).
But he's going to school soon (both us boys, and with matching tin ninja turtle lunch boxes). Well, "school". Daycare. But ideally with a bit of structure and instruction. He's mostly going because I won't be home to watch him all day and for the development of necessary social skills (no spitting, hitting, head butting, screaming, or throwing breakables, and I guess sharing and listening too). I'm mostly going back to school because I hear that doctors are well respected in this country and someone needs to bring back the medicine show.
UPDATE: Finn just took me over to the couch and told me I should be sleeping. Clearly he recognizes my patterns.
Medicine show does sound like fun, doesn't it. A touring menagerie of musicians, con men, hucksters, comics, and preachers all selling my particularly cracked and absurd slant on the far side of the darkened glass. It is what's missing. But logistics would likely sink the op. Too many options these days. Why go to a show where you would be expected to learn something, to participate? A show without stars or celebrities or comfortable and recognizable household names? Put that on the list of other unlikely projects...
I was thinking yesterday about what injecting some stability, some routine, into my daily life would do to improve my mood/ the general state of things. Days would begin in much the same way, but after breakfast I would walk Finn to school and then come home to coffee, the news, daily blogging (*gasp). I could spend the days prepping for class, working on journal submissions (both academic and fiction). Ah, dreams.
"Life goes on, brah." - Lennon/McCartney