Saturday, May 26, 2007

the impossibility of being human

My life is clipped from glossy magazines (full of nothing, full of shit). Each bitter shred layered over so many others; all sense taken out, purposefully removed perhaps (or not) and all these garbled eggs covering over the emptiness or whatever passes for emptiness these days (I guess that would be commercials and prime time filler). Singing at the top of my lungs only when I am sure no one can hear me, because fuck them, because I want nothing to do with them (they might judge me, or worse, they might ignore me).

***
the night is young and so am I: a pleasant meandering for your enjoyment

It was a dark and stormy night and I just knew for fuck sure that I was going to wake up in a gutter. I wasn't celebrating and I wasn't mourning. I was bored and it was just one o' them nights.

Time was ticking interminably towards the grave and Bernie was the sort of man who made a point of measuring that sort of thing. He ordered a triple bourbon neat from Chucky at the bar and settled into his favorite little dark corner. Kat was going to be here tonight. He was sure of that. The rest was just waiting. Waiting was not, however, the sort of thing that Bernie was ideally suited for. So he was hoping for sooner rather than later and alone rather than with friends.

Jenny watched the three wanna be Abercrobie boys stare at her from across the room. Not even the slightest bit of subtlety. What did they honestly think was going to happen? That she was going to lie down on the floor right here in the bar and let the three of them run a train just because they paid $35 for a t-shirt with a stupid phrase on it or god knows how much for those jeans with all the cleverly placed dipshit tears? Her night was not looking up. She ordered another shot from Chucky and went looking for a real man.

He had stumbled into the place mostly by accident. Greg had just wanted a little break from the driving rain, but then he saw her and forgot about whatever else it was that he was doing before. He sat down at the bar and ordered a beer; surveyed the area. It looked like she was alone, despite the fact that he was not the only young professional planning on making a move. And he left his wingman at home with his umbrella.

Chucky poured me another corrazon on the rocks (lime wedge, salted rim) and I settled comfortably into the night. Jenny was in again stealing the spotlight from all the other girls, never really knowing why, never really wanting it. She had no idea how good she looked. Never did. I sipped casually and watched the dramas unfold. Why the hell not? I was waking up in the gutter, right?

Kat walked in from out the rain; drenched, beautiful.

And the story played out, just like I expected.

***

So I got distracted by a movie and decided to end it there. If you have a particular favorite way you think it should end, leave it as a comment. Peace Love Decadence.

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