Thursday, December 15, 2005

Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.

I hate lukewarm coffee.

S > 0

Clearly I need you more than you need me.  Though I am loathe to admit that I need anyone.  And I suppose I would get by without you.  And you would easily get by without me, that is beyond question.  But that doesn’t mean that I don’t need you.  That everything wouldn’t be better if you were here with me now.  It would be.  That is, until I fucked it all up.  

***
“I am just a poor boy, though my story’s seldom told…”
-  Simon & Garfunkel, “The Boxer”
***

I am generally just depressed right now.  Everything is just falling apart.  I am falling apart.  Nothing is really working out like I had hoped.  I had such bright dreams of how coming back to Vegas was going to be such a fucking sweet trip.  I was going to get some job or another that was going to pay not only all my bills but leave me enough to go out most nights and party on the strip and in the bars and whatnot.  And do it all in style.  I have yet to go out in Vegas.  It has been 6 months.  I don’t really have many friends.  None that want to go out with me.  Or that I want to go out with.  It’s always one or the other.  I should have expected it.  I should have seen it coming.  I mean I hadn’t talked to my friends from high school since high school.  So that didn’t really work out.  And not going out by myself I wasn’t really meeting any new people.  Not that I can really afford it anyway.  I don’t have much money as it is now, and then with the grace period on my loans being over, I am going to be basically broke.  And I can’t see that anything is going to change.  This is going to be one fucking useless piece of shit year.  I am going to be glad when I get the fuck out of here.  Lie to me and tell me it’s going to be different when I get wherever it is that I am going.

Ok, that was a little to close to a diary entry.  Sorry ‘bout that.  But I needed to vent.  Life isn’t really going my way right now.  And I don’t seem to have the balls to do anything about it.  I suppose I should go ahead and ask her out, get rejected and move on.  After all, there’s nowhere else to go from here.  I really need to get the fuck out of this shit hole.

***
“Left to his own devices, the Prophet would surely have self-destructed long ago.  Lucky for all of us, help came along just in time…”
- James Walsh, the Life and Times of the Prophet (a work in progress)

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