Thursday, December 22, 2005

Find me.

Thing 1: You’re going to die.
Thing 2: Today?
Thing 1: Or tomorrow.
Thing 2: Much the same.
Thing 1: I suppose.
Thing 2: Are you certain?
Thing 1: Certain?
Thing 2: Of death.
Thing 1: Death is always certain.
Thing 2: But today?
Thing 1: Or tomorrow.
Thing 2: Much the same.
Thing 1: I suppose.

Inaction is the bane of my existence. It’s not indecision. I know what I want to do with my life. And roughly, I know how I want to get there. Or at least I have something of an idea. I know where things are or should be headed, what I need to be doing to get there. And then, as to the things that have little to do with my Future, great and fearful though the concept may be, there are some other things that I know I want, know I want to do. But I don’t. For one reason or another I never get around to doing all the things I mean to do; saying all the things I mean to say. I seem to like to bottle things inside until I get drunk and let them out in a barely coherent rant. Which I would advise against, it not being the most effective means of doing anything. I guess it’s that I’m afraid. Of life of my future of fucking all this shit up of everybody in the world not loving me they have to love me everybody has to love me why don’t you love me? Look at me, deer in the headlights. I’ve decided which way to jump. I just don’t know if I am ready. Maybe if I wait for the car to hit me I won’t have to follow through on anything. Or maybe I’ll do it tomorrow.

Thing 1: I think it’s going to rain.
Thing 2: Rain?
Thing 1: Yes.
Thing 2: Soon?
Thing 1: Possibly.
Thing 2: I don’t have an umbrella.
Thing 1: Perhaps we should go.
Thing 2: Aren’t we waiting?
Thing 1: Is that what we’re doing?
Thing 2: I always thought so.
Thing 1: For whom?
Thing 2: The Cat.

***
“Hold me closer tiny dancer. Count the headlights on the highway. Lay me down in sheets of linen. You had a busy day today.”
- Elton John, “Tiny Dancer”

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