Tuesday, October 4, 2005

Billy Prophet Will Save Your Soul!

It's time for you fuckers to make me famous.

And jumping on the corporate branding bandwagon. And the sweet-ass t-shirt bandwagon. The Billy Prophet Collective, LLC will be manufacturing and selling shirts for sweet dudes and hot bitches. The shirts will be available in "pure as the driven snow" white, "fence sitting" gray, and "inside of a coffin on a moonless night" black and all will be emblazoned with one of Billy Prophet's characteristic witticisms. Order early and order often.

Current slogans include:

1. Billy Prophet Will Sell Your Soul!
2. Hypocrite [for you honest fuckers]
3. Happy Hypocrite [for the truly untroubled minds]
4. Free Mumia! [under a picture of Che Guevara, what's the difference?]
5. Assassinate in '68 [there is a big retro movement going on now, and I want to capitalize]
6. I regret every decision I have ever made [who doesn't?]
7. Amy, will you go out with me? [maybe if the multitudes are asking she will say yes]

Other slogans will be made available as the Prophet sees fit. So fuck off with your suggestions and such. Unless they are good. Then they might be considered and stolen. I credit no man. And no, size fat will not be made available. Lose weight.

On that note, Debt Collector Extraodinaire John Stevens Krol (his parents named him after that red-headed fucker that sucked on American Idol a while back) has teamed with the minds of The Billy Prophet Collective to come out with new cutting edge fitness tapes. Vanity is Everything is the ultimate weight loss solution. Face it, you need his help. So buy his tapes. And buy my shirts once you are thin enough to fit in them.

I hate you all.

***
"Black Devil..............................90 Brandy Fizz......................41
Black Gold ............................202 Brandy Gump Cocktail...41
Black Hawk...........................147 Brandy Highball..............41
Black Magic...........................131 Brandy Julep....................41
Black Maria.............................90 Brandy Milk Punch.........42
Black Russian........................131 Brandy Punch................213"

-Mr. Boston Official Bartender's and Party Guide, pg. 263

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