Tuesday, September 20, 2005

J.S. Krol, you are SO HOTT!!! Get well soon, sweetie.

Dear Faithful Subscibers to the Greatest Blog Ever Known,

It has recently come to my attention attention that I am suffering from chemical imbalance that is coloring both the content and construction of my posts. It would seem that I am, in fact, not quite as sane as I always believed. Unfortunate though this onset insanity is, fear not, I will continue to provide each and every one of you with the quality writing with which you have become accustomed. Yes, Gentle Reader, I will sacrifice both my mental and physical health to continue to produce the amazing literature that I am known for. Whether you like it or not.

Sincerly,

Wilhelm Reinhold Schrödinger, the Prophet of Saxony

***

So I got this fortune cookie the other day at my local chinese restaurant and I found it to be more than just a little absurd. "You or a close friend will be married within a year." Thus far the text. So I would like to say that one of you guys had better be getting married before 9/1/06 because fortune cookies are never wrong and I am not going to be getting married this year. Unless someone can find me a rich, beautiful, attractive girl that is about my age and willing to get married without a pre-nupt. Then I might reconsider. And for all you doubters, this was a real fortune cookie fortune that I got. Surprising, ain't it?

***

I am wearing black (patterned) socks with my jeans. You should too.

"This just in: the Drink of the Moment segment of the program will be cancelled until further notice pending a study into its inherent value."
- J. Garrett Morris, Vice-President of Content and Ethics

***

So yesterday I was at In-N-Out getting some food to go (I had a thing to get to) and two men outside the establishment asked me if I had any change as they were trying to raise a "Burger Fund." Having just paid in cash (since that is all that is accepted at In-N-Out as all the wise men know; a small drawback but no reason not to go as often as reasonable) I did have $0.68 in my pocket which I gave gladly. I hate change and I don't much do anything with it save drop it in a bowl in my house and watch it grow into a lovely money tree. And I have to say that giving my spare change to bums gave me a feeling of such elation and joy that I have never known. Indeed, no amount of drugs, promiscuous sex with many anonymous but disease free partners, or booze has ever given me the feeling of contentment that I received when I handed over that $0.68 for the Hobo Burger Fund. It made my fucking day.

I was drunk when I wrote this. My bad.

***

"And if the Wine you drink, the Lip you press,
End in the Nothing all Things end in - Yes -
Then facny while Thou art, Thou art but what
Thou shalt be - Nothing - Though shalt no be less."

- Omar Khayyam, The Rubaiyat

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