Dear Faithful Subscibers to the Greatest Blog Ever Known,
It has recently come to my attention attention that I am suffering from chemical imbalance that is coloring both the content and construction of my posts. It would seem that I am, in fact, not quite as sane as I always believed. Unfortunate though this onset insanity is, fear not, I will continue to provide each and every one of you with the quality writing with which you have become accustomed. Yes, Gentle Reader, I will sacrifice both my mental and physical health to continue to produce the amazing literature that I am known for. Whether you like it or not.
Wilhelm Reinhold Schrödinger, the Prophet of Saxony
So I got this fortune cookie the other day at my local chinese restaurant and I found it to be more than just a little absurd. "You or a close friend will be married within a year." Thus far the text. So I would like to say that one of you guys had better be getting married before 9/1/06 because fortune cookies are never wrong and I am not going to be getting married this year. Unless someone can find me a rich, beautiful, attractive girl that is about my age and willing to get married without a pre-nupt. Then I might reconsider. And for all you doubters, this was a real fortune cookie fortune that I got. Surprising, ain't it?
I am wearing black (patterned) socks with my jeans. You should too.
"This just in: the Drink of the Moment segment of the program will be cancelled until further notice pending a study into its inherent value."
- J. Garrett Morris, Vice-President of Content and Ethics
So yesterday I was at In-N-Out getting some food to go (I had a thing to get to) and two men outside the establishment asked me if I had any change as they were trying to raise a "Burger Fund." Having just paid in cash (since that is all that is accepted at In-N-Out as all the wise men know; a small drawback but no reason not to go as often as reasonable) I did have $0.68 in my pocket which I gave gladly. I hate change and I don't much do anything with it save drop it in a bowl in my house and watch it grow into a lovely money tree. And I have to say that giving my spare change to bums gave me a feeling of such elation and joy that I have never known. Indeed, no amount of drugs, promiscuous sex with many anonymous but disease free partners, or booze has ever given me the feeling of contentment that I received when I handed over that $0.68 for the Hobo Burger Fund. It made my fucking day.
I was drunk when I wrote this. My bad.
"And if the Wine you drink, the Lip you press,
End in the Nothing all Things end in - Yes -
Then facny while Thou art, Thou art but what
Thou shalt be - Nothing - Though shalt no be less."
- Omar Khayyam, The Rubaiyat